For years the hive mind of dentistry tried to fit all dentists into a box. If you weren’t a private practice owner, then you weren’t successful. If you chose to teach at a dental school, it was because you “couldn’t hack it in the real world.” If you were burnt out or stressed, then you were a wimp, and something was wrong with you.

While there are still some dentists who think this way, times are changing.

I recently shared a podcast interview with The Truth Behind Dentistry that gained some popularity on Youtube. It was a fun collaboration, but with exposure comes risk. In dentistry, the more patients you see, the more difficult ones you’ll meet in your office. It’s a numbers game. And just like with patients, the more people who see my content, the higher chance of encountering internet trolls who perpetuate the old hive mind of dentistry. True to form, while we were celebrating the wins of our podcast collaboration reaching more people, this happened:

What kind of weak minded individual would pay for advice from this ” certified ” coach ? If you went to college and dental school, stand up and be counted as an adult, Bunkie. No trophy for losers.

Ouch! And those were only a few of the words written by a dentist of 36 years!

It’s not the first time I’ve been there. When 10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too went viral in 2011, I was called a “whiny b*tch” and was told, “I feel sorry for your husband.”

I’m not going to lie. That stings– even when I know that these people know nothing about me.

Luckily, I’ve worked hard over the years to remind myself of two things:

1. Just because someone says it, doesn’t mean it’s true.
2. People’s comments say much more about them than they say about you.

These two points have helped me learn to ignore these internet trolls over the years. (Could be a great strategy for dealing with difficult patients too!)

I’ve decided that unless it’s a really offensive comment to others, I let it ride. The world deserves to see the truth. Whether we can identify the person behind the screen, or they remain anonymous, if they’ve put it out for the world to see, then so be it.

Instead of censoring them, I love to turn these experiences into discussions that help us all learn to be better.

So that’s exactly what I did. I posted about this experience in a very popular dentistry group on Facebook. Here’s the post:

It was amazing to see the lovely support for my mission. There was consensus that we must expose the cruelty that our colleagues sometimes exhibit, so we can change collectively. We championed our individual rights to choose how we live our lives– in or out of dentistry– no matter what anyone else in dentistry thinks.

And then, came in one comment from a highly respected organization that I consider a titan in dentistry. While their comment may have come from good intentions, it didn’t land.

Clearly their PR department was working that day because in the most loving tone, they so very kindly admonished all of us for being unkind and disrespectful to this poor individual aka the internet troll. They accused us of being “negative” and using “veiled threats” in our discussion.

So I replied with a polite disagreement.

They chose to double-down with even more judgment and shaming disguised as kindness– this time directed specifically at me. Among other things, they encouraged me to “exhibit grace and stand tall,” implying that I wasn’t already doing that.

They tried to silence me, so, I spoke more loudly. 

I pointed out how their contributions to the discussion came off as toxic positivity and self-righteousness. I asked them why they felt so comfortable making assumptions about me and who I am, when instead they could have simply asked me what happened. Instead, they chose to dismiss my voice and defend an anonymous troll.

And I shared my disappointment in their refusal to address the real topic of the post– that many dental professionals are hurting and that we must continue to have these important discussions.

Why am I sharing this with you?

I share it because it’s a reminder that if you believe you are exhibiting grace and standing tall, that is what matters most.

It’s a reminder that no matter how big or small, important or insignificant, known or invisible you think you are in the dental community, you still have the right to speak up. No one’s opinions are any more important or valuable than yours.

It’s a reminder that the more we discuss our own desires and well-being as dentists, the better we collectively become.

These challenges only inspire me to speak more loudly. I’ll say it again… If you don’t love your perfect-on-paper career, that is okay. If you don’t always feel grateful for the things in your life for which you “should” feel thankful, that is okay. Whatever discontent you feel should be your permission to change. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to success in dentistry.

If the big boys of dentistry don’t like it, that’s on them. They can continue to sweep the difficult issues under the rug, but I will continue to speak up more. I encourage you to join me and do the same. 

As Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying said, the #1 regret of people who were dying was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

No matter what that looks like for you, I’ll use the exact words of this dentistry titan to share with you… continue to “stand tall” and take care of yourself. You may find yourself going against the grain, but you will be better off living this life for yourself.