Don’t you hate it when your patients blame you for something that wasn’t your fault?
My tooth didn’t hurt until YOUUU worked on it.
You put my crown on backwards, and now it doesn’t fit!
You never told me I had to pay for these x-rays.
Or how about the patient who refuses to wear the night guard they wanted, but it’s your fault? We know how that goes… your patient comes to you desperate for a solution to end their headaches. You notice that they have serious bruxism issues, and you recommend a night guard. You spend extra time with them explaining how the night guard can help them, and they have hope of finding relief for the first time in years.
You’re excited and hopeful, too, that as long as they do their part and wear it, you will help them feel better.
Then a few weeks go by, and you never hear from them… until one day they call your office really annoyed, telling you they can’t wear the night guard. And, oh, they want their money back.
We’ve all been there. The patient never let you know the night guard needed adjusting.
How could you have known something was wrong if they never let you know?
Their explanations sound like excuses because you know the truth. They blame you for all that went wrong, even if you didn’t know anything was wrong! They blame you because it didn’t fit (even if it simply needs adjusting,) you didn’t tell them what to expect (when you know you did because you always do,) or you weren’t available at the exact time they wanted (even though you offered them other times.)
Then, when you offer to fix it for them, they won’t even try. But it’s still YOUR fault.
In reality, they simply changed their mind, were unwilling to put in the effort to help themselves, and didn’t own their choices. They didn’t get their way, and they want you to fix it for them. What they don’t realize is that in doing so, they’ve closed themselves off from finding a great solution that could change their life.
These experiences frustrate us because there’s nothing we want more than to help our patients. We want them to be happy and healthy. We can do our best to set them up for success, and we know that what we do works. But unfortunately, we can’t control their actions, feelings, or views of their experience.
That is up to them.
What if your response to their complaint can make you a victim here too?
When you get a complaint, you have two choices. You can create a solution that is fair for both of you, take responsibility for yourself, and let it go. When you let it go, you concurrently empower the patient to own their choices too.
Or, you can let the conflict hijack your brain and perseverate over the patient and their complaint for days. You wish you could stop, but you can’t.
Obviously, we all want to let it go, but sometimes we get sucked into the brain hijack. We become a victim to our thoughts.
When it doesn’t feel like a choice, that makes us victims.
Still don’t believe it’s a choice? Let’s turn it back on your patients again. Why do some of your patients love the care you provide, and others don’t? It’s all about perspective. It’s so easy to see the choice in others.
When we practice noticing our own victim mentality, then we can create solutions for ourselves.
The way you view your world creates your reality.
When we don’t take responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, and actions, we become victims too. The more you see this in yourself, the more you can take back control and create what you want in your life. Whether it’s in work or out of work, we all want to know we can create our best reality.
Notice how you are when YOU are the patient or the customer. If you buy a dress at a boutique with a strict return policy but change your mind after the 30-day policy, whose fault is that? Or if you didn’t realize the airline credit you had from canceling your flight expired after a year, and you didn’t use it in time, do you bad mouth the airline on Twitter? Who’s fault is that?
Does it frustrate you when your patients don’t take responsibility, but you do the same when you’re the customer?
Do you take responsibility for yourself in your personal life? If you always show up late to meet your friends, what do you blame it on– the traffic, or the fact that you didn’t leave early enough?
Do you want to change careers but believe you can’t make money doing anything other than dentistry, the grass isn’t always greener, or you have no other skills? If so, you are giving up before you even tried. And that, too, is giving away your power.
The truth is we always choose how we view all situations.
That freedom of choice is exactly what allows us to control the things we can control.
Instead of believing you have no time, look at how you choose to spend your time. If you think your spouse was mean to you last night, notice how you treat them. If you feel like your patients always blame you for everything, who are you blaming when you’re the customer?
If you can choose to own your s#!t, and only YOUR s#!t, then you can allow your patients to own theirs too. It’s not your job to own it for them. I know… easier said than done, but it’s a reminder that is worth practicing.
Noticing where you don’t feel like you have control allows you to begin taking responsibility for everything in YOUR life. That will help you make lasting, positive changes. What matters is believing that you can. When you notice your default patterns and believe you can, then you can begin to choose differently.
We can’t control how others choose to see the world, but we can take stock of how we show up. When we take responsibility, we gain the power and freedom to create solutions.
Of course we can’t control everything that happens to us in life, but we can take responsibility for our choices and how we choose to interpret the stories in our lives.
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