I stepped in dog poo the other day.

Yes, that’s right. I’m blogging about dog poo. Let’s see if I can find meaning in that one!

So here we go. It was the perfect storm of events that led to me stepping in poo. I was walking my dog, Nola(bees,) around the park while listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. I was trying to rewind to a specific part of the narrative, and there was a park services truck on the walking path driving towards me. Being the thoughtful, considerate person I am, I stepped aside into the grass. The truck stopped in place, but didn’t drive forward after I stepped aside. I thought maybe he was politely letting me walk past before starting to drive again. So, in my efforts to always try to be considerate of others, I decided I would keep walking past him on the grass. Instead of either focusing solely on my phone or solely on where I was walking, I thought I could do it all at once. I didn’t want to make this guy wait for me.

As I was walking in the grass, looking at my phone, trying to find the spot in my audio book, I felt this mushiness under my left foot. Ugh!!! Dog doody!

Then my brain started to get angrier by the second. I began to blame not only the *bleep* who didn’t pick up after their dog, but I also became very annoyed at the driver and the perfect timing of it all. Why couldn’t that truck have just kept going?!? Why did all of these circumstances have to happen at the same time? If it were only 2 of the 3, I never would have stepped in the poo. And of course, I had to turn the blame (or is it responsibility?) on myself.

Maybe I need to learn to stop multi-tasking while my face is buried in my phone.

That is definitely the learning experience in this. The last time I did something like this, I was grabbing my phone from my purse while walking down the stairs, and the perfect storm of events led to a sprained ankle.

That’s a good lesson for all of us, and there is another angle I want to present. I wasn’t just looking at my phone. I was also going out of my way to be considerate of another person. We’d all agree that this is a great quality. However, when we forget our boundaries and constantly put other people first, it can cause us to step in the proverbial poo every once in a while.

Let me explain myself here. It’s important to be of service and to help others, but some of us take it to the extreme. Dentists, you know what I’m talking about. It’s a fine line between being a people pleaser– so your patients and team like you– and truly being of service to others. Many of us cross that line and in the process, we sacrifice ourselves. Maybe it’s doing extra fillings for a patient, so they don’t have to make 2 trips– when you know you don’t have enough time. Maybe you’re running late, so you tell your assistant that they can go to lunch early while you finish a procedure on your own. It could even be worrying all night about your patient and the root canal you did that day.

We think we’re helping others, but are we really?

Even if we intend to help others, when our service lacks boundaries and includes self-sacrifice, it is not sustainable.

Many of us were taught growing up that being selfless was a virtue. I know I learned that if I put myself before another, then I was a selfish person. No one wants to be seen as selfish. There is, however, an in-between point. It doesn’t have to be so black and white that if we make our patients win that we have to lose. What about the win-win?

That, my friend, is called boundaries.

Think about it. If you sacrifice your own well-being in order to please others, after a while, you’ll become exhausted. You may end up resentful and apathetic. This lack of boundaries is a key contributor to burnout. It seems like a win for everyone, but it’s actually a loss for everyone. You see how unsustainable this “altruism” can be? If you burn yourself out, who will care for your patients? This is not a win for them, but you being at your best is a win.

When we constantly say yes to things we don’t want to do or aren’t good for us, our intention behind it is that we want to be liked. Isn’t that actually more selfish? We may avoid offering what’s actually best for the patient or our team because in the moment it feels better. Take the example of doing extra fillings when we don’t have time. It feels better to say yes and make them happy. But is it really best for them if we feel rushed or stressed while doing this favor? Most likely, no. In fact, drawing a boundary and enduring a potentially uncomfortable moment is often what’s best for all of us. That’s the win-win.

So, take a pause. Notice if you are always putting others first or trying to make their experiences better. Hopefully you’ll realize that it is even more selfless to have a clear boundary that protects your self interest while helping others the best you can. It’s okay to prioritize your own best interests as well. Because after all, look at the sh*t storm it can create when you don’t.