Hard to believe I originally wrote this post about leaving dentistry on November 29, 2012. A lot has changed, and not a lot has changed in dentistry.

With another leaving-dentistry anniversary behind me, I remember how grateful I am to break free from feeling trapped for so long. Years ago I received this email from a fellow dentist that inspired this blog post.

It was a breath of fresh air to read “10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too”! As a dentist of 12 years, I could relate to your article. As a fellow colleague, I commend you for having the guts to put that out in the public – it was a huge risk – but as you said in your posting today, you had many dentists supporting you and thankful for the stress reliever. For some unknown reason, as dentists we do not feel like we are allowed to say ANYTHING about our patients. They can tell us things to our face like, “I just put your kids through college with this mouth”, and we just have to eke out a forced laugh while biting the insides of our lips. You managed to give us a voice – humorously, relatable and tastefully. I am looking forward to reading about your career change. Again, another topic that dentists are afraid to discuss. Do you think it is looked down upon to leave dentistry? What professions CAN people leave and it is not seen as a weakness or that the person is a failure because they do not enjoy it? Who knows…you might be a pioneer in dentistry – not for a miracle bonding agent, but for breaking through the walls of our “silence”. Thank you and good luck!

Initially my answer is YES. I think it’s seen as weak by many to quit dentistry, especially within the dental community. In my first year after leaving dentistry, I found myself being cyber-bullied on a popular dental forum. I know, you’re probably wondering… why anyone would be nasty to little ol’ me, right?

Well, apparently, comparing  dentistry to a cult is a VERY TERRIBLE thing to do (ahem, which is exactly why I chose that for the title of this post.)

It all started because I commented on a particular forum titled, “Man, I hate dentistry.”  I responded to someone who had asked me how I got out of the career. In my closing comment I said:

Good luck to all of you who want out.  Getting out of dentistry is like getting out of a cult.

Man, based on the response, you would have thought I was a puppy murderer, or something.

That one statement earned me a few pompous responses from some very classy, dentistry-loving dentists. Instead of curiously asking what I meant by it, these “gentlemen” graced me with personal attacks. The Word Police not only chided me for using a “poor choice of words,” but their responses had nothing to do with the actual topic. Instead, these “caretakers” tried to belittle my life choices and my lifestyle– all while staunchly defending how much they love dentistry– with an air of superiority because they work hard, damn it!

So here I was, speaking out about how happy I was with my decision to leave dentistry, only to be silenced by these dentistry-loving bullies.

Why were they so angry and insulted by this? What were they trying to protect? And furthermore, tell me why some dentistry-loving dentists would be trolling on a site titled, “Man, I hate Dentistry?”

Were they trying to convince the poor souls looking for a way out that they should like it and stay?

I don’t know, sounds pretty cult-like to me.

And yes, getting out of dentistry was like getting out of a cult.  There, I said it again.

While this defensive reaction of these dentists seems extreme, it’s indicative of the attitude some dentists have. However, most are much more polite when they can’t hide behind their computer. They show more curiosity and compassion when they have to communicate face-to-face.

I’ll never fully understand why our colleagues seem to judge such a decision. Does it make them feel rejected, or does it stem from a need to want to control another person? Maybe it’s a protective measure? Were they concerned for me and worried I was making a mistake?

There certainly were times when I wished that my fellow dentists were a little less judgmental about my decision to leave dentistry.

And then I experienced something that changed my mind about all of this.

A few days after I wrote 10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too, I went to a study club dinner. I used to dread these events because they often bred the usual, superficial conversation we all have: Where is your practice? How long have you practiced? How big is your office? Blah, blah, blah… all followed by awkward silences when we’ve run out of dental small talk that neither of us really care about.

This night, though, was different. A dentist had walked in with a printed copy of my post, so he could share it with all of the dentists in the room. One dentist who knew I had quit dentistry days earlier grabbed it and ran over to me. He said, “You’ve got to read this! You’re going to love it!”

I simply smiled and said, “I wrote that.”

That moment changed everything. When they realized I was celebrating quitting dentistry (with what seemed like loads of confidence backing my decision,) suddenly the energy shifted. For the first time the conversation became very real and genuine.

I was surprised to discover that several other people had the goal to “get out” as soon as they could too. We suddenly not only shared real conversations about how we honestly felt about our careers, but we also discussed things we truly loved and enjoyed.

When I stopped pretending, it allowed all of us to be real.

And this is when I realized that leaving dentistry doesn’t have to be looked down upon. It’s what we make of it.

With that, I modify my initial answer. When push comes to shove, no one really cares what you do. The judgmental, smug dentists are like our patients: most are wonderful, but 1 or 2 are not. Somehow, these are the ones that get under our skin and make the most noise. But they’re not in the majority.

When you own it, the majority are supportive and find it courageous to leave the career. They recognize how hard it is to do.

Is it as difficult to leave any other career? Yes! Change is hard, and it is scary to leave any career. The fear that we will be a failure for leaving dentistry is very real and very valid. However, that is only another roadblock that we create for ourselves.

As I sit here re-writing this post 10 years later, my perspective hasn’t entirely changed with time. I have just become more confident about leaving dentistry.

The biggest difference is that now we collectively have a stronger voice. With my seasoned security and confidence in my choices to leave dentistry, I will continue to be the voice who challenges these old perceptions. The truth is that while dentistry is a great profession, leaving can feel like getting out of a cult.

But it doesn’t have to anymore.

That is up to us to collectively engage in these discussions.

A lot has changed, and not a lot has changed in dentistry.

What do you think?