We spend so much of our energy trying to be happy. Happiness is such a buzzword these days. It almost seems like an addiction itself. The attraction to it is so strong that we often shun any sadness we might experience.

It’s no wonder we’re addicted. It feels good. In fact, nothing feels as good as happiness does.

But where would happiness be if sadness didn’t exist?

Just as courage cannot exist without fear, happiness cannot exist without sadness.

Which brings me to my point: embracing our sadness will help us shake it off.

When life sends you into deep sadness, it’s the hardest place to be. All you want to do is make it vanish. The more you push it away, though, the stronger it builds inside of you.

It’s a lot like laughing in class. You know you’ll get in trouble, but you just can’t help it. The more you try not to laugh, the harder you laugh.

The same goes for sadness: the more you try to ignore it, the more uncomfortable you feel.

As counter-intuitive as it seems, we might as well embrace the sadness.

As Matt Kahn, my latest spiritual guru says about difficult things in life, “You don’t have to like it, but you have to respect it.”

We have to respect it because it’s an inevitable part of life. It’s not going anywhere.

Even though we don’t like it, learning to respect our pain can actually give us freedom. It helps us move forward instead of remaining stuck resisting what is.

Sometimes life sucks. We don’t get our way. We find ourselves in really awful situations. Things happen to us that are out of our control.

It becomes up to us to decide how to respond to these unwelcome events.

And I’m not preaching about how we should simply choose to be positive. We don’t always get to choose that. That suggestion feels like a phony approach that never works for real people with real problems.

But, if we embrace the true feelings, no matter how negative, we will create space for a natural shift to the positive.

Let’s get real. Sometimes we just need to be sad.

Without the sucky times, we wouldn’t appreciate getting our way, feeling happy, or enjoying the good times.

Throughout this “year of cancer,” I’ve had a lot of really big, bad, ugly cries; almost tantrums, in fact. I couldn’t control it. As much as I wished to be cool and “positive” throughout the process, I had to experience my grief.

I started noticing that as uncomfortable as it was, every time I let these giant tantrums come on, I always felt better afterward. I could literally feel a weight lift off of my chest.

And eventually, there was no more sadness left in me, so I effortlessly moved on in that moment. I never snapped into happiness, but my heart let go of the deep sadness.

It worked so well that I often urged myself to cry and feel devastated when I felt even the slightest hint of sadness or anxiety.

As I have recently begun to put the most difficult of my treatments behind me, I am amazed at how easily I can feel happy again.

Somehow we just adapt.

In some ways it feels unnatural, as if I should still feel sad, angry, or scared; as if I need to give myself permission to feel good and well. But I can’t help but feel oddly content again. I’ve opened up the space for feelings of happiness to naturally slip back into my life.

I appreciate the small things in a whole new way. Running my fingers through my hair feels like a luxury after not being able to touch my head for 6 months. Every time I feel the hot water sprinkle on my scalp I’m reminded of how much I took normal showers for granted. After enduring 6 months of all food tasting terrible, I notice how spectacular it feels to enjoy delicious food.

And I feel so grateful to know what it feels like to naturally feel these simple pleasures and the joy of feeling at peace again.

I believe I returned so easily to contentment because I faced my grief along the way. I’ve allowed myself to move through the pain and sadness instead of stuffing it down.

Fully embracing it helped me shake it off.

How do you deal with sadness?

What is it that you’re going or have gone through that has created overwhelming grief, anxiety, or anger for you?

If your job makes you depressed, why not try throwing a tantrum of your own about it? If you feel burned out and unhappy, how can you acknowledge the truth that you feel?

Pretending nothing is wrong isn’t working. Being “strong” isn’t allowing you to experience the darkness that we all need to make room for the light. Ignoring your feelings and your intuition is keeping you stuck in the very thing you’re trying to push away.

I challenge you. Try it. If you’re feeling sad, dump yourself into a puddle on the floor. If you feel anxious, sit in that uneasiness for a good while.

Embrace it. Experience it. Let it out, so you can let it go.

You might be surprised to discover your power to move on to what’s next.