It’s quite challenging to objectively see ourselves and our behavior, isn’t it?

The different filters we use to see the world influence everything in our lives. It makes sense– if we don’t really see the world objectively, how can we see ourselves objectively?

We’ve all seen this drawing above. At first, most of us either see a young woman or an old lady.

It’s not until someone points out what you can’t see, that you finally see it.

It is amazing how your perspective changes when you change your perspective.

The Energy Leadership Index (ELI) Assessment did that exact thing for me. It gave me perspective on things I couldn’t previously see about myself.

I’ve previously described how the ELI helped me understand how my different filters supported or sabotaged my career change. Looking back, it was powerful to understand how it all happened.

What’s even more powerful is getting to use this information in my life today.

When I first saw my ELI results, I was shocked to learn something about myself that I never thought to be true: I am driven by a strong compassion and concern to help others.

Wait, what? Doesn’t that sound terrible that I never saw that in myself?

It’s true. I saw myself as a pretty selfish person. You could see how I would think that, considering the last thing I often wanted to do at work was help patients.

Er, that sounds even more terrible! Let me clarify.

I think back to my days in the dental office. If a “non-emergency emergency” came in that required us to stay late, I often felt inconvenienced. If a patient told me they hated the dentist I secretly rolled my eyes, irritated by the rude greeting. When a patient no-showed me or didn’t take my treatment advice, I felt unappreciated and knew their non-compliance would only cause us both problems later on.

That was my proof that, surely, I was selfish, and my assessment results couldn’t be true. As I started to explore this new perspective, though, I realized this assessment finding was true. In fact, it was more true than I ever imagined.

I realized that I rarely gave myself credit for all the times I lovingly helped the patient who told me they hated dentists; or how I always took extra time to give the most painless injections to every patient– especially the needle-phobes; or how I frequently laughed along with the patients who reminded me that they just helped buy my car.

At the end of the day helping my patients drove my every action.

But that wasn’t the whole story.

I’ve since learned that while deeply caring for others is very noble and admirable, it also can be unsustainable if done a certain way. It’s a wonderful way to be, but it can bring with it feelings of resentment and frustration.

Remember being taught in school that once you touch a tooth, you own it? I took that belief too seriously. I thought that meant I had to be a savior for patients. If things went wrong, I blamed myself.

If a patient called with a problem the day after I placed a filling, I always feared the worst. I’d spend hours or days imagining a catastrophe that was always worse than the reality.

I hated being late for my next patient.

All of these worries were driven by my deep concern for my patients and their welfare.

That worrying and fear prevented me from seeing the value I provided for people.

Leaving dentistry didn’t make any of that go away.

I brought those same perspectives with me because they were a part of me. Now that I know these filters exist, I understand myself better and can actually change myself, not just my surroundings.

Now I can find ways to respond to stress in a healthier way– even with the smaller things. Or I should say– especially with the smaller things.

Here’s an example. In my weight loss coaching business, we sell food products that are required on our program. They are great tools to help people reach their goals. Sometimes I run out of certain products when client buying habits unexpectedly change.

This really stresses me out. I feel horrible for my clients if their favorite food isn’t available for that given week. I worry about the clients who won’t be able to get what they want.

Instead of being happy or even neutral, I just worry.

As in dentistry, the worry stems from my concern for my clients. I sympathize about how hard someone works throughout the week and how much they treasure having the one thing they love. I don’t want them to suffer, and I don’t want to let them down.

It’s great to care for people, but it doesn’t have to create such worry and stress.

Now I see this problem so differently.

I have successfully stopped seeing this as a problem but as an opportunity instead.

Here is the new perspective. People work with me to change their lifestyles. Part of that work includes adapting to difficult situations– whether it’s at a dinner party, they have no time in their day to grab a healthy meal, or learning to eat veggies.

When their favorite food sells out, it’s an opportunity for them to try something new, to challenge themselves to adapt to more difficult situations. It’s a chance to help them grow.

It’s that simple, and I really do believe that now.

I’ve since learned that it’s not my job to fix other people.

I can support and help them, but I don’t need to be responsible for them. I had this perspective in dentistry, and I’ve shown you how I brought it with me post-dentistry. Feeling responsible for others creates such a heavy weight on our shoulders. We don’t have to carry that burden. We can trust others to take care of their own experiences.

Even today, when I watch someone struggle, I often have to remind myself that it’s not my job to fix them or their problem. I can support them, but I don’t have to be responsible for them. I can trust in their own power.

That is freedom!

I’m so grateful and amazed to see how these perspective changes have allowed me to reduce unnecessary stress and feel happier.

If you want to find out how the ELI can help you, contact me here.