Every so often we get a wake up call.

It’s the call that jolts us into remembering perspective. It’s the call that reminds us how important self care is. We can get so caught up caring for everyone else, that sometimes we neglect ourselves. In 2014 it was Robin Williams’ shocking suicide. The man that brought happiness and laughter to so many suffered a struggle that no one could imagine. A year later came the death of Amanda Peterson, aka Cindy Mancini, the beloved ’80’s teen idol we admired from Can’t Buy Me Love. She fell victim to drug and alcohol abuse and died way too soon.

Today, it’s the suicide of Kate Spade.

Every time this kind of tragedy brings up the same thoughts and feelings for me. Here we have another amazing talent, a shining star, whose brilliance is cut off too early. We see someone who appears to have it all– talent, success, creativity, and love and admiration. Somehow it all becomes meaningless. While these measures of success hold so much value to us on the outside, something stronger is at play.

In some ways being a dentist is not so different.

We might not have the fame or the ability to reach the masses with our services, but we do appear to have the success, the respect and admiration, the talent, and more.

We appear to have it all.

We have a job that helps many people, makes us money, and earns us respect. It seems easy, and our lives often appear perfect from the outside.

People don’t get to see that dentistry is a really hard and stressful career. They don’t understand the challenges we face. They find it hard to believe that we might struggle with mental illness too. It’s hard for them to imagine that we have problems when our lives seem so charmed.

But the truth is that no matter how wonderful someone’s life seems, we never really know what is really going on.

Even dentists could be more supportive of other dentists.

Many in our community feel alone. When I went through my career challenges and doubts, I kept it a complete secret. I had no one to talk to. I had no one to confide in. Luckily, I had support systems in other areas of my life where I could explore my true feelings. I know there are many others out there struggling on their own too.

What about those who have no one to talk to, no one to understand what they’re experiencing, and no one to let them know they’re normal.

In light of the news of Kate Spade I ask, how can we be less judgmental and more supportive of others in our own community? How can we let others know that it’s okay and normal to struggle in this career when we seem to have it all?

Having a support system that allows us to truly connect with others is vital.

If we stay alone on an island, our perfectly successful lives may just become meaningless to us too.

We can’t allow this to happen.

What’s in your toolbox for self care?

In the latest episode of my favorite podcast, One Idea Away, Luke interviews author and counselor, J.A. Plosker. In it, he talks about how to react and respond to the challenges that come our way. He uses the tool belt analogy. Like most of us, he has a set of tools around the house always available to help when he faces a problem. Depending on the problem, he can choose which tool he needs to fix the problem.

What tools do we have to respond to the challenges and problems we encounter in life?

J.A.explains the importance of having tools he can access to respond to the events that impact his life on a daily basis. He says,

I can quiet myself down to pick the right tool at the right time by doing things like meditation, by doing things like staying mindful. So what I do is I have a series of practices in my day that I use to try to stay calm and quiet in the face of life’s events so that when events do come to me, I can pick the right tool for the job.”

What a great way to approach our lives. We could all use a toolbox that helps us stay mindful and keep perspective. For some it includes taking walks and spending time outside. Maybe it’s exercise or cooking. It could be some form creativity that encourages self expression. Or maybe it’s yoga or meditation. It could even be seeking professional help, or sharing your experiences with a community that understands and supports you.

Seeing those who appear to have it all struggle is a great reminder to fill up your toolbox with as many tools as you need to support you.

If you ever need another tool to add to your toolbox, know that you can always come here to connect with the Lolabees community. We will support you and let you know that you are not alone.