Can you imagine what it would be like to divorce your career?

It’s a strange concept, I know. But what if we looked at our careers the same way we view our human relationships?

With marriage, you don’t commit to a lifetime together after seeing a photo of someone, researching them online, and then only talking to their friends about whether they are the right fit. Instead, you date and get to know your potential life partners. You start out casually, only committing to that person once you experience life with them. Then, when you know they’re The One, you commit to marriage.

On the flip side, once you realize they’re not The One, you break up! And you start the process all over again.

You can’t ever know who is the right fit without that serious relationship. Break-ups are never easy, but it beats staying stuck.

Wouldn’t it make sense to approach your career– that other huge life commitment– the same way?

We often choose our careers the other way around. Many of us see the image, research dentistry online, and ask other people about what dentistry is like… and then we marry it. We never get the chance to get to know it on an intimate level, and how could we? You never know what it will truly be like until you sit in that chair.

If you were lucky, you fell in love with dentistry. If not, you thought it would be your perfect match, but you ended up realizing it wasn’t what you expected.

What do you do if you feel stuck in the wrong career marriage?

Unlike people marriages, dentistry divorces are not even an option. I imagine decades ago there was as much shame about getting a divorce as there is around quitting dentistry today.

In either type of divorce, it’s not something we take lightly and nor should it be.

No matter how much you prepare for this relationship, it might not fulfill your expectations.

Recently, we were discussing how hard it is to quit dentistry in my private Facebook group, and this point was raised:

Laura, you have no idea how my heart breaks when I read this. Because you are right. It’s hard to leave dentistry.I never did, because I actually enjoy it and have loved my career. 30 yrs. And still get up excited for the day. The reward is priceless. With this being said, wouldn’t it be better to coach people going into dentistry before they make the mistake to choose a career they might want to leave later. Makes sense ? Once you are there is hard to quit because of the investment, time and money, and the lifestyle that you have. Should we be coaching dental students? You know how important coaching is.

Excellent question!

Would it be great to coach students? Yes!

This is missing in our education system. Kids often make choices based on what others want without knowing their true selves. Plus, there is no way to know how being a dentist or hygienist will be without the high price tag. Shadowing, volunteering, and working as a dental assistant don’t always show you the truth.

Early coaching could help us make more intentional decisions and fewer mistakes.

Do I believe it would be BETTER than the work I do now? No.

Here’s why:

1. Our mistakes can become our greatest gifts in life.

It’s impossible to live life avoiding mistakes, and the value in life is experience itself– even if we don’t always like it.

We have to experience things on our own to truly understand. If you’ve practiced in different settings, you know that those challenges helped you learn what you love, what you’ll tolerate, and what your deal-breakers are.

This same thing goes for your career as a whole.

What if you didn’t look at choosing dentistry as a “mistake” but as the choice that helped you learn about who you are and what you really want? What if dentistry were the career you dated, so you could get really clear on which career you wanted to marry, and this very relationship helped you get to know yourself?

We can prepare all we want, but life changes, and we change.

One of my clients began dental assisting at 17. She loved it and knew she would equally love being a dentist! Unfortunately, being a dentist was not the same for her, and she became depressed and anxious. Luckily, divorcing clinical dentistry allowed her to get serious with a non-clinical job that she loves.

Although she did her due diligence and had the committed relationship with dentistry for years, it still didn’t work out.

Could she have benefitted from career coaching?

Probably. But at the time she knew what she knew, so did she really make a “mistake?”

2. Our goals influence our vision, and we only see what we want to see.

I don’t know about you, but I had an image of what I thought dentistry was. I wanted it to be my dream career. I did my research; but if someone had told me to run, I would have dismissed their advice, thinking I was different.

We all do this.

Years ago, I interviewed for a “great” associate position, and a friend who previously worked there warned me not to take it. I dismissed her warning, thinking I would be different. Years in, I realized she was right. Guess what happened next? When others asked about my experience working there, they didn’t want to hear the truth either. They all took the job (and later left,) despite my warnings.

It’s human nature. It’s what we do.

As high achievers who have our eye on a prize, we let nothing stand in our way.

It’s great to coach students before they choose dentistry, but it’s not BETTER than after they choose dentistry. Too many people are stuck in a loveless career marriage and need help.

I don’t coach pre-dental students because that’s not my passion. I coach dentists and hygienists who are here NOW, because I know what that pain feels like. I know what it’s like to make a huge life decision as a naive kid– only to arrive and discover you were mistaken. And then believing you can’t ever make your life better. I know what it’s like to feel ashamed because the dental community at large tells you your pain is coming from your attitude, or that dentistry is so much fun that YOU are creating your own problems.

I’m here to tell you… that’s not true. There’s nothing wrong with you, but maybe there is something wrong with your career marriage. Whether you want to save it with marriage counseling or divorce dentistry, you deserve a second chance.

It’s not helpful to wish we’d made different choices when we were younger. It IS helpful to look at our choices, respect that they were right for us at the time, and know that we have the strength to make new choices as we grow and evolve.