Yes, you’ve read that correctly. I have cancer.

It’s still weird to say it, and it’s just as weird to read it back. You may (or you may not) have noticed I’ve been quiet lately. It’s because I’ve been busy having cancer. (See? Even with cancer, I still can’t help being silly at times.) Before you get too worried about me, I’d like you to know that there is good news: it is curable. Even though we are planning for a happy ending, it’s still hard. I still have to go through the physical, emotional, and mental crap of wondering why cancer happened to me.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this news with the world. When I was first diagnosed, I felt my world crashing in on me. I felt worried to tell my family and friends because I hated delivering bad news. As I began sharing it, I surprisingly felt relieved. I learned that I didn’t need to keep this a secret.

I discovered that I have a huge support system to stand by my side. When we get into the grind of daily life, we sometimes forget how important and how strong our community is. I was a little surprised and very touched by how many people showed up to support me. This bad news rekindled the friendships that we had both mutually struggled to find time for in our busy lives. For that I’m grateful.

Community makes us all stronger and better.

As I noticed how amazing it felt to have the strong support of my friends and family, I wondered if I would ever decide to share this with you. Then I remembered that the best part about Lolabees is the community that we’ve formed.

When I began talking about my career challenges, no one else was openly talking about it. I had carried around the burden of my secret for years. I know many of you did and still do too. Being open about it helped us start an important dialogue in our field. When I left dentistry and started writing about it, we were there for each other. You often told me how much I had helped you get honest about your career, and at the same time you helped me gracefully hobble through my tough career transition.

I don’t want to carry the burden of secrets anymore. It doesn’t help anyone. We’ve developed a nice partnership. So I figure, why not continue to do that for each other?

So here I am. I have breast cancer.

I found out six weeks ago. It turned out to be the shock of my life. I went in for a routine mammogram, which led to a follow-up mammogram, ultrasound, and then a biopsy all in one day. In one moment, my life changed forever. In those first few days I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t eat or sleep. This new reality forced me to face every woman’s greatest fear. As the healthiest person I know, all I could think was, “Why cancer, why me?” As the person who exercises regularly and works so hard to eat healthy, it didn’t feel fair.

I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced anything like this, but it’s terrifying to be forced to face your mortality. I’m not sure I can compartmentalize all of the feelings I had then and I have now. I can tell you that I’m not grateful for this experience yet. I don’t know if I ever will be, but there are certain things for which I am grateful.

Today I’m grateful that I am better equipped to handle this challenge than I ever have been in my life.

Along with the sadness and grief, I also feel a strong sense gratitude for where I am personally in my life. If I hadn’t changed my perspective on life seven years ago, I know this journey would be harder. The very work that helped me successfully change careers gave me the tools to deal with all challenges I face in a different way.

I also think about how I would feel right now if I had to deal with the stress of an unhappy career on top of my new “job” to get myself cured. I imagine myself showing up to work with nothing to give. That would be devastating for everyone involved.

Now, when I get to do my work, it is the one thing that takes my mind off of cancer. When I immerse myself in coaching a client, when I write, and when I plan programs for my clients, I feel more like myself than any other time. It’s the perfect escape, and I’m lucky to have that.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Aside from the fact that I believe good can come from this dialogue, I want to continue to inspire you to wake up and be intentional with how you live your life. Besides, you probably know by now that I can only write from my heart. Since there’s really nothing else on my mind right now, it has to be this. I need to get back to writing because this work provides normalcy while I’m healing and questioning why cancer happened to me.

So hopefully here’s my inspiration for you…

I’m grateful I left an unhappy career on my own terms. It didn’t take facing my mortality to decide to live my life on my own terms. I chose to change because I knew things weren’t right, and I wanted to live my best life right then. Not tomorrow, not someday. And the work I did on myself to become happier in life gave me the tools to better handle the challenges I face today. It’s still not easy, but it is better. That I know.

Don’t wait until something like this happens to you to decide to live your life on your terms. If that’s what it takes, use my cancer and my story to inspire yourself to change what’s not working in your life. You don’t need a huge life tragedy to change the way you approach your life. I know because I did it myself.

I’m not happy this happened to me. I’m still grieving, but I can find glimpses of hope and happiness at times. The biggest celebration for now is that at least I don’t regret where I am today in my life. I can work with that.

If you knew you had to face your mortality tomorrow, what would you change today?